This is Strong

Today I’m wearing my “THIS IS STRONG: Mudderella” t-shirt to support Futures Without Violence and to remind myself of my own self-worth. There are so many warning signs for an unhealthy relationship that you may not recognize until it’s too late. If something doesn’t feel right, don’t ignore that feeling. A healthy relationship should feel GOOD to be part of. If you feel inadequate, guilty, or like you’re walking on egg shells all of the time, chances are you are not with the right person. If you’ve stopped telling your family and friends about the person you’re with because they’re convinced he’s an asshole to you, chances are you’re not with the right person. If you need help leaving an unhealthy relationship, because it’s often extremely difficult to leave despite what people say, it’s OK to seek professional help.

Samirah sent me this article on some of the characteristics of a manipulator. I highly recommend reading this and similar articles on signs of manipulation and abuse.

And the article talks about guys, but I think it’s important to note that girls can be just as manipulative as men.

“Emotional manipulators have no sense of accountability. They take no responsibility for themselves or their behavior – it is always about what everyone else has “done to them”. One of the easiest ways to spot an emotional manipulator is that they often attempt to establish intimacy through the early sharing of deeply personal information that is generally of the ‘hook-you-in-and-make-you-sorry-for-me’ variety. Initially you may perceive this type of person as very sensitive, emotionally open and maybe a little vulnerable. Believe me when I say that an emotional manipulator is about as vulnerable as a rabid pit bull, and there will always be a problem or a crisis to overcome.” –cassiopaea
The article can be found here. And yes, I’ve linked it three times in this post because it’s THAT important.

Weekend Reflection – Self Improvement

I’m on a serious mission. A lot of people wouldn’t guess that I’m really insecure because of how I interact with others and carry myself, but it’s true. My mission is this: to break free of my insecurities. It has proven to be quite challenging, but I’m going to push myself to avoid negative thoughts. While speaking to a friend, Rahmah Popal, at Jummah this past week, I was reminded that everyone faces these challenges, but it’s those who rid themselves of major insecurities who are really able to be free. The last time I had a deep conversation with her was almost exactly a year ago, and while she was convinced she had a greater purpose in this life, but had no clue which direction she was headed. Now she seems to have it all figured out (Mashallah!), and she really did inspire me to just keep looking forward and hold my head up high.

I’m a roller coaster when it comes to self-image; one day I’ll be completely happy and proud of myself, other days I magnify every flaw of mine and it really brings me down. Over the last couple of years I’ve become less social and I value privacy and exclusion more, which directly relates to how I see myself. And it sucks because I’ve actually felt myself changing year by year… There are reasons for the huge shift in my thoughts and behaviors; it’s because I lost trust in people who let me down and I fell into a state of what some of my close friends diagnose as depression. I’m not really sure if I’ve been depressed, but honestly the way I feel sometimes points directly to the illness. When I put my heart into making things work with others, I expect the same in return and I’m always disappointed… it fuels my lows. I spent every ounce of my love on another person and at this point, I’m all spent out. I’m tired of feeling worthless. I need to aim higher for me. I need to direct all my love inwards, towards my family, and most importantly towards God. Instead of my focal point being someone I love romantically, I’m working on developing a new center: my relationship with God. I’m not really sure how I’m going to do this, it’s much easier said than done. I will, though.

Here’s to aiming higher – because we all deserve a little lot of self-love. Join me in battling insecurities.