Here’s to aiming higher – because we all deserve a
Here’s to aiming higher – because we all deserve a
I have the honor of knowing an amazing friend who just so happens to love blogging just as much as I do, and this year for New Years, we decided to guest post. Here’s to good friends, blogging, life, and love; here’s to Anfal Adam of Geek & Chiq!
After publishing my most recent blog post, DC Mipsterz | A Very Mipsterz Xmas, I started thinking a lot about how I present myself online. I’ve had this blog since 2009, and I’ve always posted pictures of myself, my experiences, and my interests. I never saw a problem with sharing myself with the world. Also, I NEVER used to send my blog link to people unless they asked, and most of the people who follow me have always been strangers and fellow bloggers. Lately, I’ve been sharing my blog a lot more because it’s something I’ve always loved and I want to feel motivated to keep up with it. I want others to be inspired to keep online journals and stay creative with what they love.
I NEVER get my makeup done… I rarely even have the desire to dress up. It was fun, and different. I posted the photos. Then I was talking to a friend and I passed on the link to my blog. He thought it was weird that I would post those photos and it looked like I wanted attention. Whether that’s true or not (I’m still trying to figure that out myself), all of a sudden I felt really insecure. I started questioning my intentions. What does a follower count matter if people are only following you because they find you attractive? The photos from my last post hardly even look like me… I would much rather people follow me because they enjoy reading thoughtful, funny, or insightful posts. If I want to adhere to modesty as I define it, I don’t need to attract unnecessary, meaningless attention.
My personal opinions, based on self-image, not on others’ behavior (INWARD, in word):
I don’t care about the turban. I find it completely appropriate and beautiful. I don’t care about the makeup, in moderation. I dressed up for an event but on the regular, I’d rather people know my natural, organic face. I don’t want to ever feel like I need to cover my face up and change my look, a phase I’ve already been through. What I’m more concerned with is how much of this I feel I need to post all over my blog and share with the world, and my reasons for sharing photos of my made-up self. It’s fun, it’s exciting, it’s flattering when people follow you, comment on your photos, or compliment your look. It’s tempting to want to be like this all the time, and be able to have all eyes on you all the time. I’d love to continue to share photos, I just want to make sure my intentions are right, and I’m not changing myself to please others, or solely trying to gain attention. This will always be a reflective journal for me, I have no desire to change it into a style blog. That’s just not me.
I admire women who are studying to become change agents in this world. I admire women who inspire others, who are innovative, who DESIRE to help others. I ASPIRE to be a woman who others look at as an example for reasons other than her body, looks, or style.
This is not to say I’ll remove images of myself I’ve posted in the past, or that I don’t love blogs about fashion or style. This is just a reflection I’m choosing to share with you. You define modesty for yourself.
As always, this is a…
I’m lost and I’m the only person who can find me.
It’s taking forever. Nothing seems productive. Guilt is bringing me down. I’ve become this extremely anxious girl who has lost her cape and found gravity. I was never like this! What happened to my free spirit and invincibility!? I can’t even ask for advice or help because I’m the only person who can help me. I need to put my “big girl pants” on, put my past behind me, become independent again, make decisions, forgive, motivate, and challenge myself. And lastly, I need to reach for the stars. And among the stars is where I’ll find myself.
But for now, I’m lost.
Today felt a little weird.
I went to the grocery store and got in line at self-checkout of course, because I’m the fastest self-checkout girl in the world. But I can’t help but notice that all the people who need to check out get into longer lines instead of lining up behind me. And this happens OFTEN. I try to start off speedy so that people will see that I’m not some foreigner girl that doesn’t know how to use the machine… but even a person that’s new to the states would PROBABLY be able to handle it. But I can’t even be that speedy because if I mess up something, the inconspicuous lane number will start flashing uncontrollably and summon the employees for help, and then I’d be living up to this stereotype that I don’t know anything because I wear a scarf and probably don’t speak English. So I have to be super efficient and get all my items swiped and into my reusable bags (nobody notices I’m SAVING THE PLANET), all while trying to balance the weight correctly so that it doesn’t stop me and prompt me to “remove an item from the bagging area” because the weights aren’t matching up. Smart aleck machines. It’s a tough sport, this self-checkout. The feeling afterwards is perfect. Because I’m always speedy, the people who avoid getting behind me end up WAY behind because I’m the fastest self-checkout girl in the world.
Or, they could just be lining up in the next line because that line offers Coke as an alternative to Pepsi. Who knows?