I get this feeling a lot… I’ll be at work, sitting at my decorated desk, wondering what more I should be doing. I keep a journal nearby for when I’m so inclined to jot down some dreams. That happens probably once a month though. Usually when I’m over-caffeinated.
After publishing my most recent blog post, DC Mipsterz | A Very Mipsterz Xmas, I started thinking a lot about how I present myself online. I’ve had this blog since 2009, and I’ve always posted pictures of myself, my experiences, and my interests. I never saw a problem with sharing myself with the world. Also, I NEVER used to send my blog link to people unless they asked, and most of the people who follow me have always been strangers and fellow bloggers. Lately, I’ve been sharing my blog a lot more because it’s something I’ve always loved and I want to feel motivated to keep up with it. I want others to be inspired to keep online journals and stay creative with what they love.
I NEVER get my makeup done… I rarely even have the desire to dress up. It was fun, and different. I posted the photos. Then I was talking to a friend and I passed on the link to my blog. He thought it was weird that I would post those photos and it looked like I wanted attention. Whether that’s true or not (I’m still trying to figure that out myself), all of a sudden I felt really insecure. I started questioning my intentions. What does a follower count matter if people are only following you because they find you attractive? The photos from my last post hardly even look like me… I would much rather people follow me because they enjoy reading thoughtful, funny, or insightful posts. If I want to adhere to modesty as I define it, I don’t need to attract unnecessary, meaningless attention.
My personal opinions, based on self-image, not on others’ behavior (INWARD, in word):
I don’t care about the turban. I find it completely appropriate and beautiful. I don’t care about the makeup, in moderation. I dressed up for an event but on the regular, I’d rather people know my natural, organic face. I don’t want to ever feel like I need to cover my face up and change my look, a phase I’ve already been through. What I’m more concerned with is how much of this I feel I need to post all over my blog and share with the world, and my reasons for sharing photos of my made-up self. It’s fun, it’s exciting, it’s flattering when people follow you, comment on your photos, or compliment your look. It’s tempting to want to be like this all the time, and be able to have all eyes on you all the time. I’d love to continue to share photos, I just want to make sure my intentions are right, and I’m not changing myself to please others, or solely trying to gain attention. This will always be a reflective journal for me, I have no desire to change it into a style blog. That’s just not me.
I admire women who are studying to become change agents in this world. I admire women who inspire others, who are innovative, who DESIRE to help others. I ASPIRE to be a woman who others look at as an example for reasons other than her body, looks, or style.
This is not to say I’ll remove images of myself I’ve posted in the past, or that I don’t love blogs about fashion or style. This is just a reflection I’m choosing to share with you. You define modesty for yourself.
As always, this is a…